


I Solemnly Swear That I'm Not Cis

by auroraeternae



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Accidental Deadnaming, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Harry is also trans, Nonbinary Fred Weasley, but his identity isn't specified, gender euphoria, set during Goblet of Fire, the very beginning of it that is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-18
Updated: 2020-04-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23260180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auroraeternae/pseuds/auroraeternae
Summary: Gemma Weasley is non-binary. And Gemma Weasley is very much in the closet.But at least the Marauder's map doesn't call them Fred.
Comments: 38
Kudos: 343
Collections: HP TransFest 2020





	I Solemnly Swear That I'm Not Cis

**Author's Note:**

> _Prompt:_  
>  _Character A has possession of the Marauder's Map. They like looking over the map by themselves just staring at their own marker because when they are safely alone and wish it so, the Map will list their correct name instead of their birth name. The validation helps them keep going._  
>   
>  I really really _really_ enjoyed writing this, oh my god. I rarely ever write about anyone other than the kids in Harry's immediate age group, so this was a delightful change of pace! And I love the twins to death, so this prompt was right up my alley!! I hope this is what my prompter was looking for!!  
> Happy Reading!!
> 
> ♡, Amos  
> 

Gemma didn’t hate themself, they really didn’t. Were they completely comfortable with themself? Definitely not. But they rarely ever felt … dysphoric.

Today was one of those days though, today they definitely did feel dysphoric.

**\- ⚧ -**

They hadn’t been able to put a name to the vague sense of dread and discomfort whenever somebody said their birth name for a while after first experiencing it. The sense of dread they sometimes felt when seeing themself in the mirror or when they saw George – because they knew they looked exactly like their twin; and somehow that was not what they wanted to look like at all.

Gemma didn’t want to be a girl, they’d grasped that pretty early on, but they weren’t a boy either. They didn’t like being called Fred, they didn’t like that they had to cut their hair every summer, they didn’t like that their clothes were so obviously tailored for men.

They wanted to be … more feminine. More androgynous. Just less masculine. Anything sounded fine as long as it was less masculine.

It took them a while to figure the details out; they were forced to look into books about gender and sexuality when they and George were at a Muggle library that summer to get some books about chemistry in order to refine the potions for the joke products they’d been working on.  
Gemma had to do it as sneakily as possible, browsing the nearby biology section until they found a book that sounded good while George was taking a breather outside, tired after sitting in the library and taking notes for 3 hours. They could always come back another day or borrow the books, but their mom didn’t like them being at the muggle library so often, scared that they would slip up and reveal that they were magical somehow. And borrowing wasn’t exactly an option after they accidentally ruined one of the books once and the librarian gave them a lengthy lecture about respecting public property and taking care of things that didn’t belong to them.  
So they had to stay at the library to do their research, which gave Gemma the perfect cover and excuse to finally read up on what the fuck was going on with them.

When they first read the term non-binary and its definition it felt like a weight lifted off their shoulders. When they continued to read about they/them pronouns they were ready to cry, that’s how relieved they felt.  
The relief was cut short when they heard George call out their name in a whisper-shout as to not alarm the librarian who was around. Gemma hastily pushed the book back into its place and came out of the aisle, simply wiggling their eyebrows when George asked them what they’d been up to.  
But the light feeling lasted.

Non-binary. That’s what they were.  
And that icky feeling of dread and discomfort was called gender dysphoria.

**\- ⚧ -**

They hadn’t told anyone.  
Well, not really at least. They knew that George had his suspicions that something was going on after that day in the library. And they definitely intensified when Gemma vehemently protested getting their hair cut at the end of the summer before their sixth year. George didn’t question why they so vehemently protested but the twins had exchanged one look and he’d immediately joined Gemma in their refusal, claiming it was the trendy thing to do. Which of course lead to Ronald and Harry joining in as well. Gemma hadn’t seen that coming, but they weren’t about to complain.

Some days they felt completely happy and comfortable, some days they felt vaguely uncomfortable, some days they felt fucking miserable and some days, some days they felt fucking ecstatic. The ecstatic days were the best ones. Those were the days they experienced gender _euphoria_.

Today wasn’t one of those days though. Today was a dysphoria day and it fucking sucked. Gemma had kind of seen it coming, they were immediately put in a bad mood when Lee had called them Fred upon waking up. It couldn’t be helped, they didn’t feel ready to tell their literal twin yet, let alone Lee. And the day just got progressively worse with each time someone called them Fred, with each time someone referred to them as male, with each time McGonnagal called them Mister Weasley.  
It almost felt better when Harry called them Gred during lunch rather than Fred, but that little bit of comfort was swiftly taken away when Ginny said something about “my brothers” and pointed towards the twins and Ron who sat next to them.

Gemma couldn’t help but flinch and it definitely didn’t go unnoticed by George, who eyed them with a questioning and concerned look. Gemma forced a smile, trying to shrug it off but George just furrowed his brow at them, gently placing a hand over theirs and squeezing it in an attempt to comfort them.  
Gemma consciously tried to relax their shoulders and breathed deeply, allowing the calm and reassurance and the feeling of ‘I’m here, it’ll be okay’ that George was practically radiating to calm them down. They gave George another reassuring smile after a moment’s pause, this time actually meaning it. He squeezed their hand one more time before he let it go, seamlessly joining the discussion that had broken out between Ginny, Ron and Hermione. George wasn’t the only one who’d noticed.

**\- ⚧ -**

“Hey Gred, can I ask you something?” Harry asked, stopping them and George on their way to the common room. Hermione, Ron and Lee hovered for a moment. But George shooed them away and joined them when it became clear that Harry was just addressing his twin.

“That technically was a question, but I’ll grant you a second one,” Gemma replied, smiling when Harry snorted in amusement.

“I just,” Harry paused and took a deep breath before he continued, “I noticed that you don’t particularly like being called Fred anymore.”

Gemma was about to protest, ready to laugh it off, but something in the way Harry looked at them stopped them. They closed their mouth instead. They didn’t dare to nod, but they didn’t deny it either. Harry nodded as if that confirmed his observation after a few moments.

“I don’t know exactly what you’re going through, because it’s not the same thing for me, I think. But it might be similar enough. You don’t have to talk about it but. I thought this might help,” Harry said, pushing the Marauder’s Map against their chest.

“How-” Gemma cut themself off when Harry just shook his head.

“When you feel bad about your name just,” he paused, looking at the map for a few moments before he looked back up at Gemma, “just look at it. It’ll help. I don’t think I’ll need the map anytime soon so take your time with it. It really helped me.”

Gemma held Harry’s gaze for another few moments before they nodded, opening their shoulder bag and putting the map into it between two of their notebooks. They weren’t sure whether to thank Harry and the silence between them held for a moment before Harry laughed awkwardly, turning to continue their walk towards the common room.

“So, you and George got any spectacular pranks planned?” Harry asked, smiling at them when Gemma wrapped their arm around his shoulders.

“Well well well, I’m glad you asked,” Gemma said before they launched into an explanation of what they and George had planned for their joke products and how they wanted to distribute them within the student body.

**\- ⚧ -**

“Lee and I are gonna hang with Angelina and Katie, you coming?” George asked, flopping down on Gemma’s bed, disturbing the chaotic array of scrolls full of notes for the potion formula of the Puking Pastilles. The Skiving Snackboxes were one of their best ideas in Gemma’s humble opinion, but the potion development had hit a snag recently and they were determined to figure out which ingredient threw the whole thing off balance.

“I’ll work a little more on this fucking potion and I’ll probably join u when I get sick of it,” Gemma replied, looking up from the herbology book they’d been consulting for the past hour or so.

“You’ve been doing a lot of that recently,” George said, sitting up and mirroring Gemma’s posture.

“Of what?” Gemma asked, raising one eyebrow.

George gave them a long look, clearly communicating that he was worried for them.

“Shutting yourself off in here and working,” he replied.

Gemma shrugged, leaning back against the headboard of their bed. They knew that, and George wasn’t the first person to point it out. But constantly being misgendered and called by the wrong name was … draining. Add the fact that a bunch of new students from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang were due to arrive literally tomorrow - and that they would have to introduce themself as Fred to them - to that and Gemma was ready to just take a very long nap and avoid as many social interactions as possible.

Gemma met George’s inquiring gaze. They knew they looked tired. They knew that they could confide in their twin but it was … scary. It was so fucking scary to even think about being rejected. So far the fear of being rejected had been more intense than the burden of constantly being called the wrong name and wrong pronouns. But Gemma was getting tired. They weren’t sure whether keeping it a secret was worth it anymore.

They took a deep breath and made a decision in that moment.

They turned slightly and pulled their book bag onto the bed, opening the flap and pulling out the Marauder’s Map. They could almost feel the confusion from George across them, but their twin stayed silent.

Gemma folded it open once and summoned their wand from the chaos of the bed with a flick of their wrist, mumbling the incantation under their breath. Them and George were pretty skilled at wandless magic, but they kept it a secret from everyone else. It was better to be underestimated sometimes.

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good,” Gemma mumbled as they tapped the map with their wand, watching as the ink bled onto the paper. They opened the map and immediately located the Gryffindor tower and their bedroom. And there it was. A little banner with the name George Weasley and right across from him - a little banner with the name Gemma Weasley. They smiled softly, feeling lighter and calmer at the affirmation that that was them, that the map recognized them for who they were. 

The first time they opened the map the evening after Harry gave it to them they were almost scared to look at it, dreading to see the name Fred Weasley on the little banner that was located on their bed. When they looked at it and saw the name Gemma Weasley on it instead they immediately teared up, a big smile on their face.

It had been a few weeks since then and they hadn’t returned the map to Harry yet. They hadn’t looked for Harry’s name either, not wanting to breach his privacy considering that Harry hadn’t come out to them or anything. So they used it to only look at their name, pulling it out after especially tough days. 

But maybe they wouldn’t need it anymore after today. Maybe they could return it when the person closest to them finally knew. Maybe.

Gemma took a deep breath as they handed the map over to George, waiting for him to locate their little banners on the map. They felt like there was a lump in their throat and in the pit of their stomach. They could tell the moment he did by the way George’s eyes widened and they felt the most miniscule amount of surprise coming in waves off their twin. It was times like these when the fact that they were twins really came in handy.

“Gemma?” George asked, his voice lowered as if to make sure nobody overheard them. He looked at them, his gaze inquiring as he folded up the map and put it down between them, mumbling Mischief Managed to make the ink disappear.

Gemma nodded. “I’m non-binary. Gender neutral pronouns and all that,” they explained, a weird mixture of excitement and anxiety sweeping their whole being.

They felt a small nudge of confusion from their twin at the terminology.

“Not a girl,” they added in explanation.

“And not a boy,” George finished, a sense of understanding settling over him.

Gemma nodded.

“So, gender neutral terms?” George asked and Gemma could’ve cried.  
They didn’t know why they ever doubted that George would be anything but accepting. The sense of relief they felt was almost overwhelming. They felt themself tear up.

“Yeah. Also they/them pronouns. But nobody else knows yet,” Gemma added.

George nodded in understanding, humming in thought.

“Okay, got it. Tell me when you tell somebody else so I can call you Gemma and stuff when talking to them, yeah?” George asked.

Gemma nodded, smiling at their twin.

George returned their teary smile with a reassuring one and squeezed their hand.

A moment later they heard steps approaching their room, probably Lee and the girls. Gemma used their shirt to wipe away any tears that threatened to spill over before pushing the map underneath one of the scrolls on their bed.

Lee opened the door to their room and with him noise and chatter filled the room.

Gemma got called Fred quite a few times throughout the afternoon as the group decided that they didn’t feel like roaming the castle and would just hang out in their room because dinner was close anyways, so there wasn’t really a point.

But everytime it happened they felt a wave of reassurance from their twin, which made it a little more bearable.

They would return the map to Harry that evening.


End file.
